ugh

too much.

thinking too much.

maybe if i let all my feelings out,
you'll get out of my mind
and i'll be able to start on my assignment
2000 word essay due tmr...well today
and i cant concentrate at all.
you have been on my mind since last night
and i just cant seem to get rid of you.

you just decide to stroll into my life again
when i thought that i had gotten rid of you.
i had closure when i tumblred
though you were still somewhere at the back of my mind
you were not interfering.
you were just there at the back.
buried.
hidden.
out of sight and mind.

and then you suddenly have to come
strolling into my life last night.
within the first 3 mins,
i was back to where i started.
everything came rushing back
and then there was no turning back.
how long will it take me to recover this time?

i had been denying it ever since i realised it.
you made things easy.
i pushed, you went away.
but did you know that i still get the flutters back then.
you slowly fade away.
though you were always somewhere at the back.
you faded.
but that's not the point.
you just made it easy for me.

and now this.
why do i have to get all confused and bothered.
why do you have to tell me.
why do you have to remember.

maybe i'm reading too much into things.
but i dont understand
what's the purpose of you telling me that its not true
whats the purpose of you telling me that it's ending
you remembered the 'promise' and
some comment made while being in a drunken stupor.
why? 

i was confused
and i've straighten things out.
i was fine and living in denial.
and now you just decides to stroll back into my life.
you know what's annoying.
it's a once off thing.
but its enough to unbalance me. 

you are my obsessive compulsive disorder. 
i need to get you out quick.

點解自己要咁死蠢...向到自作多情

everything is a jumble of thoughts.
there are so many things
that are on the brink of overflowing,
yet i'm suppressing it.
it's unhealthy and yada yada.
but what's the point
when i dont even understand myself,
i dont even know what i'm suppose to be feeling.
telling people will just make them feel obliged to worry.

there are times when i'm so close to telling the truth
yet the words just halt at the tip of my tongue.
i'm not brave enough i guess.
i never am brave.
even when i do let something slip once,
people think that i'm joking.

i'm always told to count my blessings and be grateful,
and i should know how fortunate i am and all that crap.
the expectations that's set, self imposed or by others,
they are a burden.
everything and everyday is becoming a chore.
what am i suppose to do?
i have to suck it up and carry on.

i'm not even tired anymore.
i've simply given up.

urgh
totally cant concentrate at all
attempted to go out and watch teevee
but the LL is watching
short attention span tsk tsk
i'm getting pretty annoyed with myself.
why bother when others don't.